I have many ideas whirling around in my head that I have neither the time, resources, or know-how implement them. So I present to the world some ideas for the taking. Hopefully, someone, somewhere will be able to take these ideas and run with them. However, by continuing to read this article, you consent to the following rules if you can implement any of the ideas:

  • I ain’t paying you.
  • I ain’t responsible if you’re trying this out and someone gets hurt.
  • You will give me credit for the idea.
  • You will give me free samples where applicable, or US$0.05 for each item sold. Your choice. If you’re not selling, you can still make me one and I’ll be happy.
  • You won’t blame me if your marketing sucks and you can’t sell any.

Fluffernutter Munchies

Since the world needs more good sweet sugary candy, I present to the world the fluffernutter candy. As good as peanut butter filled pretzel morsels are, the world needs more snack food.

Take a fluffy piece of marshmallow creme, encase it in a crispy shell of peanut butter, and you have diabetes in your hand. It will probably need to be wrapped in a glazed-sugar shell to keep it from falling apart. Just think about reaching into the bag and pulling out a handful. Heaven on your tongue.

Since Durkee-Mower Inc is apparently claiming ownership of “Fluffernutter“, you might have to change the name or get some licensing from Durkee-Mower Inc. If you have the resources to create this morsel of goodness, you have the resources to research it and do what’s right.

DVD Hack

First, if you burn the shit out of someone trying this out, read bullet point number #2 above. You have been warned.

Many DVD hacks exist, and from what I can tell, they’re pretty boring. Really, who is too cheap to buy a powerful flashlight? I want someone to hack a DVD laser to create a laser hair removal system. What could be easier than modifying the laser to kill hair follicles, putting a prism on the end of it to spread out the beam, and attaching it to a handle? Seriously. From what I can tell about laser hair removal systems, each “home model” only removes one hair at a time. What could be more boring or laborious than that?

Besides, when your roommate gets drunk, you don’t want to just shave off an eyebrow, you want to permanently remove it.

Hamburger Truck

We have a taco truck that comes by twice a day. We get really tired of the deep fried fat shaped hashbrowns and burritos. Imagine, if you will, that McDonald’s or Burger King or even In-N-Out Burger had a truck that they drove around town, stopping on each street to make lunch. Can you say Ka-Ching!

They would probably want to change their air-horn from La Cucaracha to something more fitting with their image. Who wouldn’t want to hear “ba-da-da-ba-da, I’m loving it” driving up and down their street all day long?

If more than one place had a truck, it would truly be competition based on food quality. Right now, it’s “What’s closer, Taco Bell or Burger King?” In the future, it could be “What’s better, Francesco’s or Quinn’s Lighthouse?”

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The Pied Piper of Hamelin, as you remember, was a story about rats. The City of Brunswick was so overrun with rats, that they fought the dogs and killed the cats and bit the babies and ate the cheese, drank the soup and in general, caused a major ruckus.

So the townsfolk called the Pied Piper in to get rid of the rats. All the rats flocked to him with his nifty little tune on his nifty little pipe. He played his pipe and the rats came running. They didn’t pay him, so he came back, played his pipe and the children came running. They paid him, and he brought the children back and everyone was happy.

Now that story happened “Almost five hundred years ago,” but the story was written a couple hundred years ago, so we think that this is the story of fantasy and make believe. But today, we still have the Pied Piper. Although his spell isn’t too strong. Instead of a pipe, he has a horn. Instead of walking, he drives.

The Pied Piper of Oakland drives around, honks his horn, and people come running out of buildings to see him. They talk to him and the rest of the people out there, and the spell wears off and people go back inside. Here, for your enjoyment, is the first known photo of the Pied Piper of Oakland.

The Pied Piper of Oakland

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