Blog It Out Your Pie Hole

I have many ideas whirling around in my head that I have neither the time, resources, or know-how implement them. So I present to the world some ideas for the taking. Hopefully, someone, somewhere will be able to take these ideas and run with them. However, by continuing to read this article, you consent to the following rules if you can implement any of the ideas:

• I ain’t paying you.
• I ain’t responsible if you’re trying this out and someone gets hurt.
• You will give me credit for the idea.
• You will give me free samples where applicable, or US$0.05 for each item sold. Your choice. If you’re not selling, you can still make me one and I’ll be happy.
• You won’t blame me if your marketing sucks and you can’t sell any.

Fluffernutter Munchies

Since the world needs more good sweet sugary candy, I present to the world the fluffernutter candy. As good as peanut butter filled pretzel morsels are, the world needs more snack food.

Take a fluffy piece of marshmallow creme, encase it in a crispy shell of peanut butter, and you have diabetes in your hand. It will probably need to be wrapped in a glazed-sugar shell to keep it from falling apart. Just think about reaching into the bag and pulling out a handful. Heaven on your tongue.

Since Durkee-Mower Inc is apparently claiming ownership of “Fluffernutter“, you might have to change the name or get some licensing from Durkee-Mower Inc. If you have the resources to create this morsel of goodness, you have the resources to research it and do what’s right.

DVD Hack

First, if you burn the shit out of someone trying this out, read bullet point number #2 above. You have been warned.

Many DVD hacks exist, and from what I can tell, they’re pretty boring. Really, who is too cheap to buy a powerful flashlight? I want someone to hack a DVD laser to create a laser hair removal system. What could be easier than modifying the laser to kill hair follicles, putting a prism on the end of it to spread out the beam, and attaching it to a handle? Seriously. From what I can tell about laser hair removal systems, each “home model” only removes one hair at a time. What could be more boring or laborious than that?

Besides, when your roommate gets drunk, you don’t want to just shave off an eyebrow, you want to permanently remove it.

Hamburger Truck

We have a taco truck that comes by twice a day. We get really tired of the deep fried fat shaped hashbrowns and burritos. Imagine, if you will, that McDonald’s or Burger King or even In-N-Out Burger had a truck that they drove around town, stopping on each street to make lunch. Can you say Ka-Ching!

They would probably want to change their air-horn from La Cucaracha to something more fitting with their image. Who wouldn’t want to hear “ba-da-da-ba-da, I’m loving it” driving up and down their street all day long?

If more than one place had a truck, it would truly be competition based on food quality. Right now, it’s “What’s closer, Taco Bell or Burger King?” In the future, it could be “What’s better, Francesco’s or Quinn’s Lighthouse?”

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This post was tagged with Burger King, burrito, candy, durkee, dvd, fluffernutter candy, food, genius, ideas, In-N-Out, laser, laser hair removal, marshmallow, McDonalds, peanut butter, taco truck.

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Way, way, back in late 1988/early 1989, I saw Stripes. In March 1989 I decided that I needed a haircut, so I joined the Army Reserve. Having just seen Stripes, I figured I’d get a free haircut during entry into Basic Training. It actually cost me $4.25. Anyway I went to Basic Training and got buffed. As a side note, from the time I was in 6th grade to the time I entered Basic Training, I was within 5 pounds of 150 pounds. I came out super muscled out at 175.

Anyway, I journeyed off to Fort Gordon the next summer to learn to be a telephone lineman. First set of training is learning to climb a telephone pole. I got the “climb up” part perfected, but the “climb down” I had a little trouble with. I fell off the pole, from the top. The medical guys in the little M*A*S*H* jeep were laughing as I hobbled over to them for removal of an inch long splinter. They were digging and pulling and digging and pulling, and finally managed to extricate the timber from my leg. There was another plank embedded in my shin right next to that one, and when they asked if there was anything else they could do, I declined. The hunk of wood finally came out of my leg when we were at the Augusta Mall after having seen Die Hard 2, but I digress. Actually this whole story is a digression, but again, I digress.

Anyway, after the medical procedure, which by the way was without the benefit of anesthesia, the sergeant, who had more stripes on his arm than I did, and he said, “Get up there and do it again.” So I did. This time, the fall was a bit more serious. The hospital diagnosed it as “a bad sprain.” I guess that it’s opposed to a “good sprain.” Anyway, the next day my ankle swelled up and it looked like James Caan’s legs in Misery, so I went back to the Hospital.

The Army logic was “If we had the X-Ray moved over just a little bit, we would have seen the fracture.” My talus was broken. By that time, my ankle had swelled up so much, that they couldn’t put a cast on it, because my ankle, in theory, would shrink and the cast would fall off, and my ankle wouldn’t set correctly. Wouldn’t you know it, even with the physical therapy, my ankle never made it back to 100%. It aches when the weather changes, and aches when I have a lot of walking to do.

Why am I telling this story? The clutch went out on the car. It’s gone. Non existent. Kaput. I’ve been taking the train to work each day. It’s a 17 minute walk to the train, and an 18 minute walk to the grind. My ankle is killing me, I we can’t afford a new clutch. Can’t afford a new car, either.

In related news, I have signed up for a bunch of affilliate links, so stay tuned for the new Pie Hole Shopping Mall and Referral Center, coming soon! Maybe I can do something with all these domains that I have just lying around, with plans and plans that I don’t seem to have time for. Arrgh, it’s tough in the life of blowing it out your pie hole.

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Tags: car, military, army, pie hole, money

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This post was tagged with army, blog, blow, car, dvd, ear, military, money, pie hole.

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For my birthday, I bought a DVD Recorder. This isn’t a burner for the computer, but a recorder. Works the same as a VCR, records from television. It’s the greatest thing since the VCR. I plug the video camera in, and an hour later, it’s on a disk, ready to give/send/mail to people who want to see what we think the zoo looks like. At some point when I have more time on my hands I’ll start transferring old video tapes to DVD.

Anyway, I’ve been using my Comcast DVR to record some History Channel shows, and they’re starting to need to blow it out their pie holes. I was watching a two-hour show, and for the two-hour shows, I’ve noticed a formula. They don’t quite do it so much with the one-hours shows, but it’s really evident in the longer programs. VH1 also follows this formula with the “Best of” programs.

Before the commercial, they have about three minutes of what they’re going to tell you later on in the show. After the commercial, they have another three minutes of what they’ve already told you. In fact, in the Templar Code, they replayed entire segments. But, in each segment, they would bring up two points. The first time, they would go on to explore point number one. Then, they would go on to something else, and wind it back to the other point. The segment would replay, then go on to the second point. The show actually felt like it was a 7th grade report that needed to be stretched out another couple of pages. Then, about 3/4 of the way in, they tell you that you can purchase the program you’re watching on DVD for only $29.95.

We’re going to take a page from the History Channel. Maybe at some point, we’ll take the part of the post that has the big keywords, then go on to something else, then repeat the part of the post with the big keywords. Did I mention that I purchased a DVD Recorder to work in tandem with my Comcast DVR? It’s really neat. Anyway, you can own a copy of this post for only $.99, including shipping! Simply click the “Buy Now” button below to make your purchase. Allow 3 to 4 weeks for delivery.

Popularity: 28% [?]

This post was tagged with Comcast, dvd, dvr, pie hole.

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