True Story

June 11th, 2008 No Comments

I was driving to work this morning in the stop and go pleasure that they call the Nimitz Freeway. I got a little bit close to the truck in front of me. To be perfectly honest, it was hard to gauge the distance between me and the truck because it was all jacked. Not jacked as in

jacked
love it 138 up, 64 down hate it
1.fucked up or messed up
“damn that bitch’s teeth is JACKED up”

but jacked as in

jacked
love it 15 up, 3 down hate it
something raised up in the air
Mike’s car was jacked up with hydros

Anyway, since the truck was jacked up so high that it’s underwear was showing, I thought it was further away, and I bumped the back of the truck with the front of my little car.

We pulled over to the side, and out of the truck jumps this dwarf.  He just jumped out of the truck, literally springing out of the truck even before it stopped and ran up to my window with his little arms pumping and little face all scrunched up.

“I am not happy,” he screamed at me.

“Really?” I asked. “Which one are you?”

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Non Blog Posting

April 7th, 2008 No Comments

Where, oh where does the week go? I guess for Patrick Swayze one week is a gift. For the rest of us, a week is seven days in a row where everything happens except for the fun stuff that you want to do.

Working all day long doesn’t leave time to type in a post. Then, driving home I hear something that would be a GREAT idea for a post, and start thinking about all the points to make, all the research to do to prove my point, and then, by the time I finally get home and in front of the computer, I have some other work to do, and when it’s done, it’s time to go to bed.

That great idea that I had is gone, never to come back again, until the next day when the cycle repeats. Once in a while, I’ll remember some topic on which I want to write, and I’ll have enough time to find a fact or two. Where do I save it? Not on my Google Home Page, no sir-ee. I start a post and copy the URL into it. Then I get sidetracked, start reading my feeds, checking out eBay, reading Paid Emails and other stuff.

There is good news, however, and it has nothing to do with car insurance. The good news, my friends, is that during all my sidetracks and zig-zagging through the Internet, I have finally learned what the Internet is for. You may be as surprised as I think you might be, but when you really think about it, the Internet is really for one thing. No, it’s not for spreading information around through a decentralized system of servers. It’s not even for making money. It is for one thing, and one thing only.

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Buying a Car

December 3rd, 2007 No Comments

In the morning, I walk across a bridge from the Oakland Coliseum Bart Station to the Oakland Coliseum, then cut across the parking lot in my morning stroll, Part 2, on the way to work. It truly is amazing the difference in temperature between getting on the train, riding 20 minutes, and getting off 17 miles and $2.95 away. With the price of gas today, it’s about a wash, but when you remember to add money for maintenance, tires, repairs, and what not, I’m actually saving a bit of money by taking the train instead of driving.

Anyway, from the bridge, I can see the used car lot. They can finance anyone, as long as they know where to find you. You know the place. This morning, I had a sudden flash back to the Ford dealer (who isn’t there anymore) who wanted money, but wouldn’t tell me any finance details. You know how it works.

“What sort of payments do you think you can afford, and how much of a down payment can you make?” Then the sales manager takes that to the finance department, they stick it in a spreadsheet, and out pops their “yes” or “no.” Actually, what really happens is they put the amount in, see if it will pay off the loan in the required amount of time, and they take the interest rate from that, and they pop out a payment plan and give that to the sales guy.

“We can finance that,” he comes back.

“What’s the interest rate?” I ask. I saw that on a show once, make sure you know the interest rate before you sign anything at a car dealer. Optimally, get financing before you set foot onto a dealer’s lot.

“They’ll tell you in finance.”

“Weren’t you just there? What’s the interest rate?”

“They’ll tell you in finance.”

I’m looking at what they give me. It looks like a LOT of interest. The sales guy comes back into the room. “While you’re working on that, can I get a check for the down payment.”

“Not until I know the interest rate.”

In unison, they both say, “They’ll tell you in finance.” We left. If they can’t bring a simple number from one department to the other, they aren’t going to get a simple number and my signature on a check. No wonder people hate car salesmen. When I got home, I stuck the numbers that they gave me into my TI-86 Business Calculator. They wanted about 20% interest on a new car. I’ve said it one, and I’ll say it again. Get your own financing before you set foot onto a dealer’s lot. You’re not buying the car, you’re buying the financing.

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I won what?

November 12th, 2007 No Comments

Over the weekend, I got a chance to party with one of my shippers, VIP Transport. A fun time was had by all at the Fox Sports Grill as VIP Transport celebrated their Silver Anniversary.

They flew me down with “My Wife” (or was it?), rented us a car, put us up in a hotel, and had a big party, just for me. The weekend was pretty exciting, starting with Oakland International Airport.

We were flew out of Oakland on Southwest Airlines, who has the entire second terminal. Security through Terminal 2 usually takes 30 to 60 minutes. We zipped on over to Terminal 1 and walked through security. Sure, we had to wait for the family ahead of us to take the shoes off their kids, but we pretty much walked through security. Sweet! Then we had to walk all the way around the terminal to the last gate in Terminal 2. Under Southwest’s new open seating/organized preboarding system, we got to sit in the third row, which was obviously First Class seating! Lucky for me, Bob Uecker wasn’t on the plane.

Our arrival to John Wayne Airport was a shock for me. The last time I was there, it was just a big parking lot, a shack, and a ladder to climb into the airplanes. If I remember correctly, you even had to load your own luggage on the baggage cart. So we got off the plane and walked down to the baggage claim area. A sign on “baggage claim device 1″ had our flight. Remember when they used to be a carousel? I guess some dumb ass rode on one and got hurt. Now, it is a “device.” Anyway, the baggage claim stopped. The bags were delivered to “Baggage Claim Device 2.” So by the time we got over there, the only bags on the “device” were ours, so we collected them and walked over to the car rental window.
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NEW YORK (CNNMoney.com) — With oil prices setting records over $90 a barrel and $100 looking ever more likely, experts say there’s a good chance drivers will see $3 gasoline before the end of the year.

“Three dollar gasoline in this market is unavoidable,” said Stephen Schork, publisher of the industry newsletter the Schork Report. “At this rate, we’re going to see $4 a gallon.”

These remarkable works of wisdom come from CNN Money’s
Here comes $100 oil, and $3 gasoline. Where the hell has this pie hole been looking at gasoline prices, Trenton, NJ? Gas Buddy show this to be the least expensive gas in the nation right now. Back when I was trying out the hypermiling techniques, Charleston, SC was usually the cheapest, but it’s seemed to have slipped in the ratings a bit.

And why am I not hypermiling anymore? Well, if you remember from a while back, I had started the hypermiling techniques. Slower driving, drafting behind trucks, stopping the engine before hitting a stop sign or light, all the easiest hypermiling techniques. That all ended when I got the call from Gary. Read the rest of this entry »

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Skylark Apartments

October 18th, 2007 No Comments

An Open Letter to Equity Apartments, property owners of Skylark Apartments in Union City:

As you know, since you are one of my loyal 15 or so readers, I have been without a car for about a month, and have been walking to BART. Every Thursday, rain or shine, and we’ve had a bit of rain lately, your sprinklers do a very good job of watering everything except the grass. By the time I get to your sidewalk, a whole tanker truck full of water is in the gutter. The sprinklers, if they can even be called that, are spraying across the sidewalk, drenching the concrete. I’m glad to see such wonderful work in our drought-plagued state.

Please get your maintenance crew out there to fix this because I’m tired of getting wetter than wet, even when it’s not raining. I know rents are high, but probably half of that goes to your water. In other words, fix your sprinklers and BLOW IT OUT YOUR PIE HOLE!

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As I was walking to the train station this morning, I thought about how hard it really is to be a blogger. Especially now, with my car still in the shop, I’m not listening to the news during the commute, not finding out about someone’s finger in the soup and what have you that is happening in the world.

I walk under the walnut trees, with their sickeningly sweet walnut fruits rotting under them, trying to come up with something exciting to write, incorporating the walnut allergy I have. I try, and come up with nothing.

I just spend the weekend in Phoenix. I flew in, and arrived at the hotel just after 11:00 am on Friday morning. It was “downtown.” Between Central Station and Chase Field. I was struck by how empty the streets were. Empty. Bare. The streets in our city are more crowded at 2:00 am than the streets of Phoenix at high noon. Maybe it was the fact that there were no Diamondback games, basketball season hasn’t yet started, there was no hockey, and there was no football for another two days. Maybe. Maybe no one wants to go outside in the hot summer sun. Don’t know, but it was sure good to come home.

I think about the pennies, discarded on the streets that I stoop to pick up. Each penny is a month’s worth of interest on a dollar. Well, depending on your rate, it might be a month’s interest on $4. Old Ben Franklin said, “A penny saved is a penny earned.” Old Ben Kenobi said, “This was your father’s light sabre.” I say, “A penny found is a penny earned tax free.”

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A Story

September 13th, 2007 1 Comment

Way, way, back in late 1988/early 1989, I saw Stripes. In March 1989 I decided that I needed a haircut, so I joined the Army Reserve. Having just seen Stripes, I figured I’d get a free haircut during entry into Basic Training. It actually cost me $4.25. Anyway I went to Basic Training and got buffed. As a side note, from the time I was in 6th grade to the time I entered Basic Training, I was within 5 pounds of 150 pounds. I came out super muscled out at 175.

Anyway, I journeyed off to Fort Gordon the next summer to learn to be a telephone lineman. First set of training is learning to climb a telephone pole. I got the “climb up” part perfected, but the “climb down” I had a little trouble with. I fell off the pole, from the top. The medical guys in the little M*A*S*H* jeep were laughing as I hobbled over to them for removal of an inch long splinter. They were digging and pulling and digging and pulling, and finally managed to extricate the timber from my leg. There was another plank embedded in my shin right next to that one, and when they asked if there was anything else they could do, I declined. The hunk of wood finally came out of my leg when we were at the Augusta Mall after having seen Die Hard 2, but I digress. Actually this whole story is a digression, but again, I digress.

Anyway, after the medical procedure, which by the way was without the benefit of anesthesia, the sergeant, who had more stripes on his arm than I did, and he said, “Get up there and do it again.” So I did. This time, the fall was a bit more serious. The hospital diagnosed it as “a bad sprain.” I guess that it’s opposed to a “good sprain.” Anyway, the next day my ankle swelled up and it looked like James Caan’s legs in Misery, so I went back to the Hospital.

The Army logic was “If we had the X-Ray moved over just a little bit, we would have seen the fracture.” My talus was broken. By that time, my ankle had swelled up so much, that they couldn’t put a cast on it, because my ankle, in theory, would shrink and the cast would fall off, and my ankle wouldn’t set correctly. Wouldn’t you know it, even with the physical therapy, my ankle never made it back to 100%. It aches when the weather changes, and aches when I have a lot of walking to do.

Why am I telling this story? The clutch went out on the car. It’s gone. Non existent. Kaput. I’ve been taking the train to work each day. It’s a 17 minute walk to the train, and an 18 minute walk to the grind. My ankle is killing me, I we can’t afford a new clutch. Can’t afford a new car, either.

In related news, I have signed up for a bunch of affilliate links, so stay tuned for the new Pie Hole Shopping Mall and Referral Center, coming soon! Maybe I can do something with all these domains that I have just lying around, with plans and plans that I don’t seem to have time for. Arrgh, it’s tough in the life of blowing it out your pie hole.

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Caller ID and stupidity

September 4th, 2007 No Comments

So we have moved into a new facility, here at the grind. We got an all new phone system and all new phone numbers. Conceivably, someone else has a new phone number and a phone system. That other person are the people who used to have our number. They call. Apparently, it is some sort of automated system that doesn’t leave a message.

I used to use a system like that in my old job. It would call through the list, and if it wasn’t answered by a human, it would hang up and go on to the next number. Once it finished, it would cycle through again, leaving a message if someone didn’t answer the second time. As a side bar to this side bar, I would type in the phone numbers as given to me to schedule a delivery of a hot tub. The numbers were probably hand written, faxed a couple of times, then entered into the system. Very often, numbers were wrong or transposed. Anyway, some old guy called me and demanded that I remove his number because he didn’t order a hot tub. Then, he wouldn’t tell me his number to remove it, and demanded that I remove his number. “What’s your number?” “I’m not telling you. Just take it off your list.” Repeat five times, then he told me that he’d call his attorney. “Go ahead,” I said, “I’ll ask him your phone number, and in the meantime, you’ll keep getting calls.” Genious.

So anyway, we get these calls a couple of times a day. “I saw your number on my caller ID. Who are you and what do you want?”

“We didn’t call you. Is there a message from whoever did?”

“No, I just hit the redial button.”

So now I’m thinking that we should tell them that we wanted a pizza delivered, or a tow truck, but they didn’t answer. These calls are proof positive that Caller ID decreases brain power. I, on the other hand work something like this: “Didn’t leave a message? Wasn’t too important, now, was it.” Someone calls, doesn’t leave a message. Obviously not important. If it’s important, they’ll call back.

Maybe they’re getting called by AlGore who is calling but can only wait 10 seconds because he has a lot of calls to make. “Hi, this is AlGore. My son can do 100 miles per hour in a Prius, but it’s a Prius. It is the same amount of carbon as if your hummer were doing 347 MPH.”

In the mean time, BLOW IT OUT YOUR PIE HOLE!

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Right now, on Pelosi’s website, she is proclaiming to the world that there is 5 days, 8 hours, and 36 minutes until the “first minimum wage increase in 10 years.” Right now, the Federal Minimum Wage is $5.15. The only people really making minimum wage are teenagers working at Burger King and food servers, but their paychecks pay all the taxes from their tips. Great, Ms. Pelosi. Where will the extra money come from to pay the burger slingers? From the consumers who buy. It sure as hell isn’t going to come out of the owner’s pocket. The establishment isn’t going to pay the power company less.

“I can’t pay you your full bill this month because I need to pay my employees more.” Right.

“We’ll shut off your power so you can’t make any money this month.” Then, there’s no power taxes collected, no federal wage taxes withheld, state wage taxes withheld, no social security taxes withheld,no sales taxes collected, no telephone taxes collected, no taxes from the carbon dioxide company, no grease company service taxes, no taxes collected during the transportation of the raw meat, vegetables, buns, soda syrup, and no sewer taxes collected.

So the money that will pay for the wage increase will come from the consumers. You and me. Us. Rates for goods and services will follow a minimum rate increase. Because of this, buying power decreases after a minimum wage adjustment. Check to see if McDonald’s Double Cheeseburger remains on the dollar menu in a month. After the minimum wage increases, and rates increase so the owner keeps making the same, so our buying power decreases.

Imagine the minimum wage earners. They’re now making more, but they have more tax dollars withheld. They can’t buy as much, so they go hungry. They can’t apply for food stamps, because now they’re making too much.

The whole thing is an evil hippie conspiracy to keep people down. However, 39 states have minimum wages higher than Federal, so increasing the minimum wage does little across the board. However, the increases keep coming, and my dollar keeps shrinking.

Great, Nancy! BLOW IT OUT YOUR PIE HOLE!

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