Caller ID and stupidity

September 4th, 2007 No Comments

So we have moved into a new facility, here at the grind. We got an all new phone system and all new phone numbers. Conceivably, someone else has a new phone number and a phone system. That other person are the people who used to have our number. They call. Apparently, it is some sort of automated system that doesn’t leave a message.

I used to use a system like that in my old job. It would call through the list, and if it wasn’t answered by a human, it would hang up and go on to the next number. Once it finished, it would cycle through again, leaving a message if someone didn’t answer the second time. As a side bar to this side bar, I would type in the phone numbers as given to me to schedule a delivery of a hot tub. The numbers were probably hand written, faxed a couple of times, then entered into the system. Very often, numbers were wrong or transposed. Anyway, some old guy called me and demanded that I remove his number because he didn’t order a hot tub. Then, he wouldn’t tell me his number to remove it, and demanded that I remove his number. “What’s your number?” “I’m not telling you. Just take it off your list.” Repeat five times, then he told me that he’d call his attorney. “Go ahead,” I said, “I’ll ask him your phone number, and in the meantime, you’ll keep getting calls.” Genious.

So anyway, we get these calls a couple of times a day. “I saw your number on my caller ID. Who are you and what do you want?”

“We didn’t call you. Is there a message from whoever did?”

“No, I just hit the redial button.”

So now I’m thinking that we should tell them that we wanted a pizza delivered, or a tow truck, but they didn’t answer. These calls are proof positive that Caller ID decreases brain power. I, on the other hand work something like this: “Didn’t leave a message? Wasn’t too important, now, was it.” Someone calls, doesn’t leave a message. Obviously not important. If it’s important, they’ll call back.

Maybe they’re getting called by AlGore who is calling but can only wait 10 seconds because he has a lot of calls to make. “Hi, this is AlGore. My son can do 100 miles per hour in a Prius, but it’s a Prius. It is the same amount of carbon as if your hummer were doing 347 MPH.”

In the mean time, BLOW IT OUT YOUR PIE HOLE!

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TreeHugger reports a real shocker: Ethanol production is increasing the demand for corn. The pop corn industry needs to pay its growers more to keep them growing pop corn instead of the federally mandated ethanol. Since corn also feeds cattle, you have no doubt seen the prices of dairy products and beef rise. Add to that the increase fuel prices, and you have a redistribution of wealth. We’re not getting paid more, so the gasoline industry is getting more and more money.

It’s obviously an evil Hippie conspiracy to get Americans off fuel and meat. The bulk of Americans won’t be able to afford to drive, so they’ll have to take public transportation. The bulk of Americans won’t be able to eat meat, so the dangerous cattle, who do nothing but stamp the soil, create erosion and destroy the natural landscape, will dwindle down to a more managable existance.

Won’t this have the opposite effect? After all, look at private jets, sprawling estates, and limosines. They’re not owned or used by the bulk of Americans. Who owns them? The liberal elite.

There you have it, an evil Hippie Conspiracy to take away the most basic needs from most Americans: travel and food. In the mean time, BLOW IT OUT YOUR PIE HOLE!

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Carbon Credits

July 13th, 2007 No Comments

I’ve taken a good look at the way that I’m living, with my hypermiling, and everything, and I have discovered that I have a couple of Carbon Credits extra. I’ll have more after the office move, since I’ll be using less fuel, about half as much as I am using to commute now. I’ll actually be using less, since the afternoon commute is much worse between the current office and the new office.

So, for that, I offer some of my Carbon Credits for sale to you, my gentle reader, at the introductory rate of $24.95, for two tonnes, yes 4,409.24524 pounds of Carbon Emissions. I’m not going to be using them. In fact, in this HOT time, I pledge that I will not use my air conditioner during the day, ensuring that my Carbon Credits remain available. I have a limited number, so get them NOW!


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End the Gore!

May 24th, 2007 No Comments

So I’m passing the newstand, and I see this God-awful picture of Al Gore. Al Gore on Time Magazine It looks like Time Magazine thinks Al Gore should be the Nation’s First President. The Clinton Socialist Revolution will be a tough battle to fight. Maybe they’re just trying to make him look like Jon Stewart.

Either way, Hey Time Magazine! BLOW IT OUT YOUR PIE HOLE!

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